We’ve all been there at some time or another – feeling a little unloved or left out perhaps. Like the time when it was your 8 year-old friend’s birthday party and you didn’t get invited. You were told it was because she could only ask so many people and that’s all there was to it. You’ve never forgotten though and if truth be told, it still stings a little…
Fast forward to your turn at being a parent. When your children are small you’re still in control of organising parties and so on. But when they start to cement who their friends really are, things can often get out of hand – not least if social media is at play.
The problem is that whatever hurts your child often hurts you too…
The scourge of social media
It isn’t uncommon for children as young as 7 or 8 years-old to have access to social media, be it through Instagram, Snapchat or any one of the multi-messaging tools that are available today. It may be that they have a separate device and are using their parent’s account, or they might have been set up on their own.
Research shows that more than 4 in 10 parents say they would let their child use social media ahead of them reaching the minimum age of 13. This figure will no doubt rise as the ‘insta generation’ become parents themselves.
There is lots to say about the harm such online activity can do to a child but for now we are concentrating on the impact on younger children alone.
Tears and tantrums all round
When children see their “#besties” having a great time on a play date to which they’ve not been invited, not only does it harm them emotionally, it can also spark an obsession with social media courtesy of the FOMO effect (Fear Of Missing Out).
This will no doubt affect you too. No parent enjoys seeing their child upset – not least while they are literally glued to their device.
What can you do?
- If your child has their own account, connect it to your own and turn on notifications so you can monitor everything they post and any replies. This way you can act as their support in helping them navigate through any online problems.
- Be mindful about what you post. If you arranged a playdate and a certain someone hasn’t been invited at the request of your child, don’t cause upset by posting happy snaps on your own feed from the park or the pool.
- Don’t fuel the fire by retaliating to a post that has upset your child or conversely, showing your child a potentially upsetting post. They are a lot more sensitive than you are, remember.
- Remind them that WHATEVER they post online is there forever, in case they were thinking of ever venting on Snapchat.
- If it is a recurring issue, stop viewing your device when your child is nearby. Try to get them out of the habit of looking too. Lead by example and make sure they know there’s a lot more to life then chasing ‘likes’ on social media.
- Most importantly, teach your child to turn the other cheek and be confident in him or herself about their friendships. Steer them towards peers who want their company rather than those who may treat them as ‘hangers on’.
- Ensure they have a realistic impression of the filtered and photoshopped selfie-obsessed brigade, to avoid any negative body image issues.
Dealing with cyberbullying
Children can be unbelievably cruel and the instinct to retaliate and protect your child from negative comments and cyber bullying can be overwhelming. However…remember that once you enter into an argument it is unlikely to help, however reasonable you think your approach.
What to do if things get serious
- Don’t retaliate!
- Take a screen shot of everything and store it
- Block and report the offender on whichever platform the abuse is happening
- Talk to your child about how they are feeling and reassure them you are tackling matters head on. Speak to their head teacher if the bullying is spilling out into the classroom.
- Assess how serious the issue is and whether the police ought to get involved
- Make sure all your accounts are private
The school friend spats…
Ultimately what will be will be. You can’t choose who your child wishes to be friends with just as you can’t control who wants to be friends with them in return. Imagine if our parents did that for us? The horror!
As hard as it is to see your child upset you know from experience that they’ll eventually whittle down their pool of friends to find like-minded people who they really do connect with. It just takes time - for some a lot more than others.
In the interim, make sure you add value to your child’s life by helping them rise above the online chatter and social pressure to ‘stay connected’.
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